he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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