saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
