so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
