is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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