I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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