dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
