Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
