you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
