he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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