Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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