I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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