You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
