So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just had sex on a roof
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Ladies don't puke and tell
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
