You really coming over, don't trick.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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