my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
