So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
