I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
