I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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