She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
