There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
