It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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