I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
