6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
