morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
When did angry sex become our thing?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize