Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
