Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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