i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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