U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
