Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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