I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize