Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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