can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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