I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
