So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
