Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize