So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
