She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
