I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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