I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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