The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
