i wish my penis had a tongue
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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