Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
