dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
