I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize