he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize