something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
