His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
