I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
