can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
