she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
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