I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize