Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
