you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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