My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
