so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
