I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
