just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
