Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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