The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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