3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
