Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
