I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
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