i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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