Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
