I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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