I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
