Your face is a jimmy john
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
